The text reads simply:

IMPORTANT INFORMATION

Please keep this with your other important documents.

Effective immediately, your Account will be governed by federal law and the laws of the state of Virginia, whether or not you live in Virginia and whether or not your Account is used outside of Virginia

My first emotion was confusion. This quickly gave way to near-fatal hilarity. And hey, isn’t Virginia a commonwealth? Last, I became increasingly impressed at how closely they mimicked the tone and prose of a very intense card game.

Later on I would receive a new letter, with appropriate context, explaining this letter. But the damage is done: I don’t think I can ever take HSBC seriously again.